love letter to no one part 2

i don't know if things will change if you knew the lengths my arms stretched just to reach out to you. you're a living embodiment of differance, the french philosophical term for the continuous deferment of meaning, a slippery living blob that avoids being pinned down. i just have to sigh when i remember how it is with you right now, and how things will be. the clarity of it all is beginning to dawn on me, and how other people are probably right about what they say about such behavior. your ivory tower has displayed its armaments, and i am giving up on ever climbing it. yes, i am close to shouting out my resignation. i'm too much of a coward to even tell you that i love you, because i'm dreading it won't really matter. i'm already betting 50% it won't. it won't matter to you that you are special to me, it won't matter to you that i loved you the very first time i saw you :(