choosing ignorance.

there are a lot of things that i should not have known. i surely would have been able to deal with them, but still, knowing where it's going adds frustration to that sure trajectory that nothing will ever come out of it. there are things that are best kept for that perfect timing. sometimes knowing things are pre-emptive of the experience. some people think that it's hard to deal with an unknown opponent, but i think it is also hard to deal with what you already know. it is hard to box and put boundaries on animals called desires and feelings, because they're the wildest ones to tame. sometimes it is hardest to not acknowledge them at all, to pretend they don't exist when they're real and happening to you. sometimes you wish your mind can be programmed to shut off and filter what the ear can always unwillingly hear. when one chooses to not know, it is a choice to not inflict pain.

i should have learned this by now. i will now put on my mufflers.