to you know who part 1

It’s been six months since you told me goodbye. You passed by my house last night, and I was there, but you didn’t notice. You were rushing to go somewhere with a friend, and I was there talking with my friends too. I wanted to forbid you to step on my territory, but was super curious on how you were. You looked okay, despite everything, but I didn’t want you to be okay. I wanted your life to be miserable for what you did to me and NOT look okay with the way you handled things. You left a message in my blog telling me happy birthday, and that you hope we see each other in our dreams. I saw you in my dreams last night, and the details of your life were haunting me. I want you to get out of my system, because I’m almost there, almost completely forgetting you, but now you came along again. I started wondering about our past, and imagined if in my memories you treated me well. I don’t know if my standards were just too high, but you’ve cheated on me countless times, you ignored me for what seemed like an accumulated equivalent of eternity, but you told me you loved me. you wasted words and promises. Effort? Did you sweat blood over our fights and cried buckets? I don’t think you did. I want to hate you completely, but I can’t. I want to drown you in a river, so you’ll feel how it is to gasp for air to breathe, and to see your whole life with me flash in your eyes. But you’re okay…and I’m not. How unfair is that? Why is the sun shining down on you? Why aren’t you breaking down? Why did you leave my life screwed up and things are working well with you despite being without me? It’s as if I wasn’t there…Damn you...