I Have To

I have to stop being amazed at the immense talent that I see. It always makes my heart race.

I have to stop laughing at your antics. My soul giggles like crazy.

I have to stop liking your handsome face. Your smile never fails to make me blush.

I have to stop remembering our intertwined hands. I don't feel secure without it.

I have to stop asking for our hugs. I'm afraid I won't be able to let go.

I have to stop wanting for your kiss. I am frozen in time each time.

I have to stop loving you. I'm afraid you'll never do love me too.

roadblocks.

anger always kills the deal. we think of regrets and giving up, and it screws up our rationalizations we get lost in all the drama. how could we get past this is it makes us deaf and blind to each other? how could any of what we say make a difference?

i agree to disagree, but we know more than enough of each other that it's not worth hating each other. our disagreements have been too personal, and somehow our closeness has blurred the line of "i just have something to say" with "i'm saying this to take it against you". the latter is never the case. i believe we're something bigger than this. we have lost the words to comfort and console each other. i thought we've jumped over the roadblock, but the same roadblock caught up with us again. all i could do is pray to the high heaven we can get over this.

can u take my hand again, please?

why it hurts

- because i could never really be the project you aimed to conquer
- because i could never really erase the pain she caused despite our happiness
- because i'm never really who you ever wanted, i just came by surprise
- because i'm the only one here with you, and maybe i'm your last choice, i'm the only one

the secret garden

There I hide among the the bushes and the thorns. There I wait for the picnic, sitting or lying down on a piece of cloth I change often till you come, gripping the sheet or running my palms across it to revive remnants of memories. It is always a private party for two composed of food, talk, sleep, embraces, hands, sweat, games, kisses. It is always just for me and you, and with this, I've settled. A private picnic, with private memories, locked joys within ourselves.

Me & You (18 Feb 2010)

It’s a fine thought

I am yours, and you are mine

People say this all the time

We’re a popular choice



*Is it all that’s left

To complete the puzzle

How we seem like the perfect pair

In a happily ever after



We’ve passed this road countless times

We’ve laughed and cried to hear us say

We’re not an us

But a me & you *



Hearts break

People change

Not us, coz we’re

Good as just me & you *



…We’re good as a me & you

Seeing forever.

It's not rocket science for me to figure things out, especially when it deals with having to choose who matters to me and who I'm hoping to be by my side for the rest of my life. Isn't each moment a glimpse of what can be? The present and the past three years are enough for me to see infinity unless fate slices us apart. We are our better selves now, and we can be the best together. In this unconventional box came such wonderful awakenings and learning...and the road to forever holds so much more mysteries I'd like to explore with you, adventures that we could take in foreign lands, a hundred percent sure that we'll enjoy each other's company. There isn't anything I won't try, there isn't anything I won't do.

Would u do the same too? Has it ever crossed your mind already?

All you have to do is just to take my hand.

the last page.

i see the end of days, and my instinct is to explore the world, maybe rather recklessly, because it will stop spinning soon.

in the eclipse of my core, i'd try to find the light's brightest source to blot out the remaining shadows.

i'd seek the highest highs, so my last breath would gasp a wonderful breathlessness.

i'd unearth and share a love till its last drop.

i'd put my heart in my hand and give it away, because it's the only thing that makes my body alive.

every time it is surrender, because my soul doesn't thrive on lifelessness.

who i am is not mine to keep. who i am is the part & parcel that you'd like to have.